Mary Shelley's Frankenstein Abridged
by Space-Cadette-42
Summary: I loved the original so much, I just had to summarize it. Super sassy. T for safety. Characters and Story belong to Mary Shelley.


**Mary Shelley's Frankenstein – Abridged**

* * *

Fade in on random guy on a boat, I'm pretty sure he's gay, we aren't sure if he is important to the plot at all. He apparently writes 4 letters to his sister back in good ol' London.

Letters 1-3:

I'm a pretty swell guy, I'm going to sail north for awhile with these pretty swell chaps. I hope we don't all die.

Letter 4:

_So, the weirdest thing happened… _

We were all, 'WOOOO! Traveling north! Adventure! Excitement! Discovery! Hope we don't all die!' Then we see this giant guy dog-sledding across this uninhabitable ice.

_WHAT? _Weird right?

Then _another_, less giant, guy comes dog-sledding across this uninhabitable ice. And this guy is all like, "Hey, sexy, you going my way?" So he hitches a ride.

And let me tell you, this guy is great. He's smart, hot, and has that whole 'troubled past' thing going on.

_Anywho…_ this is his story;

* * *

Everyone say hello to Victor Frankenstein. I'm pretty sure he's gay.

Victor had it pretty good growing up in Switzerland with his parents, 'not really his cousin' betrothed wife, and two younger brothers.

He also had this one good friend Henry Clerval, who I'm pretty sure is his lover.

So, like, the day before he is supposed to go off to college his mom dies of the plague or something. Which sucks.

He eventually goes off to college and is all like,_ "Whoa, knowledge!"_

I guess he stumbles across the secret to life and animates a frog or something. So he decides to, being probably gay, make himself a big strong man.

He gets really into this pet project, forsaking all communication to friends and family, and stops eating and sleeping for a couple months.

I guess all that hard work paid off because his playing god resulted in imbuing life into a humanoid form. This Creature thus thrust into this bright and bountiful world has the potential for compassion, growth, and love.

Victor takes one look at his creation, goes "Oh god, what have I done. Dude, you are _hideous_. I mean like _really_ bad for the eyes." Then promptly runs away.

When he wakes up the sometime during the night to find the poor, confused thing next to the bed of its creator, its eyes asking a silent, '_papa?' _He hollers and bolts, deserting him as ruthlessly and heartlessly as were physically possible.

Then he wanders the town for the night like a crazy person until he runs into his old friend Henry Clerval, who is all like, "_DUDE_, we haven't heard from you in _ages_. I, uh, I mean _we_ were worried about you. So I traveled here from Switzerland to see how you were doing."

I guess creating then ruthlessly abandoning a brand new form of life takes a lot out of a guy, because Victor then falls ill for a couple _months_ and Henry, of course, is the one who nurses him back to health.

Queue a letter from Elizabeth, his 'not really his cousin' future wife, that subtly introduces a seemingly random servant girl back in Switzerland that Victor has apparently known for a couple years now.

Victor and Henry then decide to go for a walk. _A FORTNIGHT LATER, _(that's right fourteen freaking days, one heck of a walk you two…) they return to wherever the frack the college is located.

Queue another letter, OH SNAP, his baby brother has been murdered.

Victor books it back to Switzerland.

The night before his return he wanders out into the forest in the middle of a rainstorm. He cries a lot and casually runs into the Creature along the way.

Victor is all like, "What is that foul demon doing here? OMG, I betcha he is the one that killed my little brother. Yep, that is totally what happened. I'm sure of it. Totally sure."

The Creature just looks at him and mountain goats his way up a mountain.

It turns out that random servant girl that was so conveniently mentioned earlier has been accused of the murder of poor William.

Victor and Elizabeth are all like, "What? No?"

And everyone else is all like, "She had this locket thing. So yeah, she did it. Put her to death."

She gets put to death.

Victor gets _really_ angsty.

He decides to go on an adventure to the top of a glacier, because that is totally a normal thing to do apparently.

He reaches the summit and is all like, "ROAR NATURE! …Wait, is that the Creature over there?"

The Creature prances over and is all like, "Hey scum-of-my-left-foot, don't you be judging me. You don't know what I've been through. The things I've seen. The things I've done."

So they pop on over to the Creature's hovel and tell stories by the campfire.

The Creature's tale of woe starts with him coming to terms with the fact that he was now alive and that the guy that was responsible for his creation got the heck out of dodge pretty much the second he could, leaving him with some prescription grade abandonment issues.

So he stumbles into a forest and survives off berries. He also finds a huge cloak under a tree. (Seriously. Random. Huge. Cloak. Was there some poor giant guy bathing in the moonlight that is now short one cloak? There are some things in this story that make sense; this is not one of them. _I CALL BULLSHIT-BUTTON ON THIS ONE_.)

Then he goes on an epic accidental rampage, scaring the crap out of and eliciting some serious beat downs from a poor farmer and a town, respectively.

He winds up living in some sort of hovel attached to a cottage. He then proceeds to stalk the inhabitants of said cottage for a couple months. He literally learns how to speak, read, and write from watching these people.

When he unveils himself to the kindly people he has come to love, their responses were less than spectacular. The women either fainted or ran, and the men beat him with a stick.

Upset, he burnt their house down.

Moving on, he decided to torment Victor, his creator, a bit. So he journeyed to Switzerland.

Then he totally kills Victor's little brother and frames the servant girl. Well done Victor, you absolutely called that your creation was the one that strangled a little boy.

The Creature didn't even know he just happened to be _your_ little brother, until the little dipshit rubbed the name _Frankenstein_ in the Creature's face, seriously, there can't be that many Frankensteins in Switzerland. It also didn't know that the girl he found sleeping in a barn was _your_ servant girl.

What crazy luck for the crazed and homicidal Creature, who just wants to be loved.

So yeah, that brings you up to date on what the Creature has been up to.

Now he wants a woman.

Victor is all like, "No, I will not make you a female of your wretched kind. And nothing you can say will convince me."

The Creature is all like, "If you fail to complete this task, all that you love will be forfeited. I will tear your life down around you. You will rue the day you created me!"

And Victor is all like, "Okay."

So Victor goes home and muddles about for awhile. Then decides that he should probably get started on this shit before the Creature comes asking what the frack is taking so long.

He heads out to the UK with his boyfriend, Henry.

He drops Henry off at a friend's house then sets up camp in some horrible cabin on some horrible island off the coast of Scotland.

Victor pulls on his crazypants then dives into making a female. He's made some progress and going through angst ridden trauma when he sees the creature across the way. He flips his shit and destroys all his woman-making progress.

The Creature sees this and is all, "OH HELLS NO. YOU HAD ONE JOB, DAD. YOU GUNNA GET IT ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. PEACE OUT BITCHES."

Victor, in the dead of night, tosses his destroyed work in progress into the ocean.

He then takes a nap. In a boat. In the middle of the ocean.

Then he is surprised when he wakes up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING OCEAN WITH NO IDEA WHERE LAND IS OR HOW HE IS GOING TO SURVIVE. Seriously.

But of course he doesn't die, how else would he be telling the story to this nice boat captain, explorer dude that is in love with him. Instead he finds land, but the locals are less than thrilled to see him.

Victor's all like, "What kind of English hospitality is this?"

The locals are all like, "Bitch please, we are Irish, and we will fuck you up."

Then he goes for a powwow with the town magistrate.

So apparently some dude had been strangled and they were like 98% sure that Victor did it. Victor is all like, god damn it Creature. What poor mofo have you murdered this time.

They take him to see the body, and- HOLY FRACK IS THAT HENRY? No, no, no, NO!. VICTOR IS GOING TO GET SAD THEN FALL ILL FOR TWO MONTHS AGAIN. Damn it, he does.

But I guess that is enough time for the Magistrate (to fall in love with Victor) to send a postcard to Victor's dad, then for Papa Frankenstein to get to Ireland from Switzerland.

So yeah, Victor is acquitted of the murder. It really helps when the magistrate (is in love with you) is in charge of your defense.

Victor and Papa Frankenstein head back to Switzerland.

Victor is really angsty.

YAY WEDDING. Wooo, I just love Victor and Elizabeth together. I mean she like really grounds him, and now that Henry is dead Victor can finally… wait. Wasn't the Creature going to- OH FUCKING WHAT.

Elizabeth is dead.

Surprisingly he doesn't fall ill at all (not like when Henry died, just saying). Instead he cries in a boat while the people he hired row him back to his dad's place.

His dad dies.

NOW he falls ill for a couple months.

So for those of you keeping track the death tally for dear Victor (excluding people he didn't know personally) is:

Mama Frankenstein

William – his baby brother

Justine – his servant

Henry – his boyfriend

Elizabeth – his wife

Papa Frankenstein

Which leaves us with:

Ernest – his other brother

VICTOR, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Victor swears vengeance against the Creature on the graves of his loved ones. Then proceeds to travel the globe in search for it.

The Creature leads him on a scenic tour of Europe and the surrounding areas, leaving him little love notes wherever they went. Whenever the trek was too much for Victor the Creature would swoop in and give him water, food, grey pupon, or whatever he needed.

Victor winds up pursuing the Creature in an epic dog sled race across the north of the world.

This brings us to where we came in, random guy on boat (who is in love with Victor. Seriously. Lemme direct quote here because I couldn't make this up "His fine and lovely eyes were now lighted up with indignation, …" FINE AND LOVELY EYES, REALLY. OMG. GET A FREAKING ROOM. Then he calls him _noble and godlike even in ruin_, GODLIKE? No one will convince me that they were not sleeping together).

There are a few more letters to his sister, mostly doting on Victor. But when the journey gets too rough they are forced to return south.

Victor's gotten pretty bad by this point; the surgeon only gives him a few hours to live.

Victor rambles on and ship adventurer guy listens.

Victor is dead.

Ship adventurer guy falls apart for awhile before catching the Creature having a chat with Victor's corpse.

Ship adventurer guy is all like "DUDE. You suck."

The Creature is all like "Yeah, I know. I'm going to go kill myself now."

The Creature then bobsleds off into the dark distance.

THE END.

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AN: Wow! I'm so glad that people are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! :) I've been thinking of making this the first of a series. So, if anyone has any requests for other pieces of literature (classic or otherwise) I would love to hear them!

OH! And if you have a favorite film adaption, drop it in the reviews. Films are another great summarized resource. 3


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